Tag Archives: shame

Anger Management with EFT

We all have a pattern of anger. Some of us express it when it is still small. Some of us suppress it deep inside fighting to maintain control of it, too scared to express it, and instead we experience it as disease.

And some of us, me included, bottle it up until it bursts out like a volcano surprising everyone around us with the intensity because we had not even given a hint that anything was wrong.

I’m going to focus on the last pattern as this is one that I can speak about from personal experience. As a child, I had been labelled as having “a bad temper” at times but, if I accept this label, then I give away my responsibility for control of my behaviour. We are not the victim of our emotions. There are patterns to every emotion that, if we can identify them, we can interrupt the pattern and change our behaviour before it causes the damage we so fear.

So how does your pattern of anger develop?

I delivered an outburst of anger one evening with my family that stunned everyone. But it wasn’t as instantaneous as it may have seemed. The anger had been brewing throughout the day from one incident early in the day which annoyed me. Another a little later on that added to the fire. And from then on I was looking for an excuse to unload at the slightest further provocation. So when I received one further barb, an oh so minor one, I unloaded with full power that was equivalent to swatting a fly with a barbell.

Had I taken the time to apply EFT at the first perceived slight and got deep into and under the anger then I may have been able to voice my concerns with out the associated outburst.

Here I present a longer EFT script that I hope will help you as it did me to change your anger pattern. I spent at least half an hour using the various parts of this to work on my anger pattern.

First you need to start with how you feel in yourself about the anger. Start and continue tapping on the EFT tapping points while saying the phrases:

Karate Chop: I was so angry that I can’t accept myself. I’m disappointed in myself. I should be better than this. They didn’t deserve to be the brunt of my anger. I feel so ugly and ashamed at what I did. I don’t know if I will ever be able to change this. I feel like I have no control over my anger. I don’t know if I can ever accept myself when I can get so angry.
Head: This anger feels more powerful than me
Eyebrows: I don’t feel like I can control it
Side of Eyes: Part of me likes the feeling of power that comes with the anger
Under Eyes: Part of me is so ashamed
Under Nose: I can’t really accept myself when I can get this angry
Chin Point: I remember the look on their faces when I was angry
Collarbones: The fear in their faces, I don’t want them to be afraid of me
Under Arms: I’m so afraid that the damage done can’t be undone. I don’t know if I deserve to be free of this guilt
Wrist Points: I don’t believe anyone can really love me when I have this anger within me; I can’t really love myself when I know it’s there.

Continue to tap for a few rounds to cover everything you feel and say about and to yourself about how you behaved.

Now we will use EFT to work on the pattern around the anger.

Karate Chop: Even though it feels like I have no control over my anger, I choose to notice the way it develops. I have a pattern of anger than can be changed. Even though I have a habit of being angry, I choose to bring to my conscious mind the way my anger develops, so that I can heal it.
Head: What is the first thing that happens in my body when I’m starting to feel angry?
Eyebrows: What do I say to myself that tells me I’m getting angry?
Side of Eyes: Where in my body do I notice the fire of my anger building?
Under Eyes: There are a number of steps to my anger and I choose to pay attention and notice them
Under Nose: What is the very first thing that happens that tells me I’m getting angry
Chin Point: I give my self permission to stop a conversation when I notice the first indicators of anger so that I can do some EFT and deal with the feeling
Collarbones: As I notice my anger pattern, I gain power over it
Under Arms: There are a number of things that occur before my anger bursts out, and I choose to notice each of them
Wrist Points: This pattern has been unconscious until now but I’m making it conscious so that I can change it.

Noticing how your anger builds helps unravel the mystery of full blown explosions that nobody sees coming. You then have the ability to notice what is triggering your anger and clear those individual triggers. Maybe it’s a tone of voice or a look you receive which starts to get you angry. So do some tapping on the trigger e.g.

Karate Chop: I felt put down by their sarcastic tone of voice. I felt put down and disrespected by their tone of voice. It reminds me of being talked down to as a child. I don’t want to be talked to like that because I’m now an adult
Head: Feeling talked down to like a child
Eyebrows: Feeling disrespected
Side of Eyes: That tone of voice that gets me angry
Under Eyes: I want to release all reference events for this trigger
Under Nose: I’m clearing this trigger for my anger
Chin Point: That tone of voice that still gets me angry
Collarbones: I won’t let anyone talk to me that way
Under Arms: I want to stand up for myself without having to get angry. I am an adult who can express myself
Wrist Points: As I clear this trigger, I beginning to accept myself even more.

There may be more than one trigger to your anger so continue to tap on each trigger that contributes to your anger pattern.

You may still have shame, guilt, and regret about what happened so here is a final round to do some more clearing.

Karate Chop: Even though I’m still ashamed at getting so angry, I’m beginning to accept myself. Even though I regret what I did and wish that I could go back and change things, I’m open to accepting myself and the mistakes I made as part of being human. I’m doing my best to improve my behaviour, identifying patterns of anger, and clearing the triggers.
Head: Remaining shame for what happened
Eyebrows: Remaining regret for how I said what I did
Side of Eyes: Remaining sadness at the hurt I caused
Under Eyes: Remaining shame, regret, and sadness
Under Nose: I choose to notice my anger patterns and diffuse them as soon as I do
Chin Point: I choose to be forgiving of myself as I do my best to change my behaviour
Collarbones: I’m glad I know how to tap so that I can clear my anger patterns
Under Arms: I’m learning to access the power within my anger and express it in constructive ways
Wrist Points: I’m noticing and celebrating even the smallest of improvements in my behaviour and I’m becoming even more loving and accepting of myself.

We cannot deny our emotions as they are part of what makes us human but we can change the patterns, triggers and ways that we express them.