Tap4Health EFT Practice » solutions-focus

How to be happy: therapy distilled to its most basic.

rodsherwin — Wed, 12 May 2010 22:11:05 +0000

As many of you know I’m a fan of solutions-focused approaches to change and the flow chart below gives us the most basic process for being happy. I found it on Dr. Paolo Terni Solutions Surfer’s blog. Basically, if you aren’t happy and you want to be then change something. If you aren’t happy and you don’t want to be then keep doing what you’re already doing.

This may be annoyingly simple for those of us who have spent lots of money on self-help and therapy but you do have to appreciate the simplicity and that it puts the responsibility directly with us to keep making changes rather than expecting something external to us to change instead.
Related Posts:

A Solutions Focused Approach to Change & EFT – EFT Q & A Podcast

rodsherwin — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 21:27:56 +0000

I’m a fan of Gene Monterastelli’s EFT Q & A podcasts and was privileged to be featured recently by Gene on the topic of a solutions-focused approach to EFT based on Solutions-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT).

SFBT, developed by Steve de Shazer and Insoo Kim Berg, is a simple yet powerful approach based on identifying what you want, where evidence of the solution is appearing in your life already, and what would be externally observable signs of progress.

SFBT is based on the idea that no problems occurs always all the time. Even for an alcoholic, there are some days when they drink less than others so investigate what is different about those days when the problem is less and do more of that as opposed to searching through your past to find the reason that may or may not be the cause of the behaviour.

SFBT’s efficacy is well established and supported by a solid and ever increasing body of research. Solution-focused thinking is widely accepted in the fields of therapy, social care, education and business. This book, The Solutions Focus: Making Coaching and Change Simple, was my original introduction to solutions-focused thinking.

EFT, in my opinion, in unparalleled in its ability to heal past events such as trauma and abuse and I find combining SFBT with EFT is incredibly effective when moving forward into the future. I have found it useful in areas such as business improvements, wealth creation, depression, serious disease and weight loss. Here are some of the insights I achieve when I applied one of the questions to issues around money.

The standard EFT approach to achieving your goals is to search in your past for events that have lead to limiting beliefs (“writing on your walls”) that are holding you back from want you want. This is based on Gary Craig’s NLP training which the concept of limiting beliefs is a part of.

But how long to you keep looking in the past for answers? Focusing on the past can itself be used as a diversion from taking real action to move you towards what you want. SFBT helps identify small concrete signs that you are actually making progress.

Listen to the Solutions-Focused podcast at EFT Q & A and check out the other top-quality podcasts at EFT Q & A. One of my personal favourites is the one on Sensitive Temperaments by Rue Hass.Related Posts:

What works for you? Pay attention.

rodsherwin — Wed, 20 May 2009 21:47:19 +0000

One of the most popular articles I have written is “What’s wrong with you?” While many of us have asked that question of ourselves and have been asked it by others, how many of us focus on what works for us?

What works for you is a solutions-focused question that moves you into a different way of thinking. It helps you focus on and notice what your own unique solutions are. Your own unique solutions may not be the same as everyone else’s and they may not be same as touted by such-and-such an expert. Figuring out what works for you requires you to become an expert on your own life. And this requires paying attention.

For example, there are thousands of diets out there each claiming that they will produce miraculous results. Yet most of these diets work well for a percentage of people but not everyone. That’s because we each have a unique metabolic type that determines the balance of carbohydrates and proteins that we need to eat, how fast our bodies metabolise sugar, and how often we need to eat. You metabolic type also determines the type of exercise and what time of day to exercise will work best for you.

If you pay attention to how you feel 1 hour after a meal (e.g. are you alert or unfocused, are you hungry again or not, are you emotionally stable or experiencing mood swings) and you experiment with different combinations of foods, size of portions, time between feeds, then over time you can figure out the way to eat and what to eat that best suits you.

This does require attention and careful observation which sometimes seems too much trouble so we search for a quick answer from the latest magazine diet, book, TV expert, or Google.

But this post is not just about your diet.

What about what works for you in terms of being creative or getting your best work done? Are you most creative in the mornings or the evenings? Again this requires attention and experimentation. I know from experience that I’m much better at writing things in the morning, like I’m doing right now, than later in the afternoon or at night. After lunch, I know that I’m better at tasks that don’t require creativity or focus and concentration. Are there some times of day which suit you better for writing and others that suit you for making phone calls?

What about relationships? You know there are ways to broach subjects with those you care about that can lead to useful discussions and there are ways to pick a fight. Become conscious of what happens when you say things in a certain way, with a certain tone of voice, using certain words. Is this being manipulative? That depends on the intention with which you enter into the conversation. If you intention is to ‘get your own way’ then yes it is manipulative (think children) but if you intention is to enjoy the relationship in the best way possible then it is more about love.

What stops us from paying attention?

Western lifestyles, in general, are full of noise and distractions. From the moment we wake up in the morning to the time we close our eyes at night we are immersed in a sea of noise and distraction. The radio wakes us up, the TV is on in the background, the kids are screaming the back yard, the radio is on the car going to work, there are phones calls and emails to answer, meals to cook, errands and shopping to be done, etc (feel exhausted, yet? Sorry.) Tibetan Buddhism actual calls this “Western busyness”.

So how can we use EFT to help increase our ability to pay attention within the noisiness of everyday life?

Identify an area of your life that you want to focus and pay attention to. Maybe it’s your eating habits, your creativity, or your relationship with someone. Most likely it is something that is weaved throughout your day.

When you have identified a specific area, use this EFT tapping guide and tap along as follows:

Karate Chop Point:	Even though life is so busy and noisy and I find it hard to notice what is important to me, I deeply and completely accept myself. Even though I’m supposed to believe what all the experts say on TV, in magazines, on the internet, I want to pay attention and notice what works for me. Even though I’m not sure I can trust my own wisdom, I’m choosing to tune in on this specific area of my life and notice what works for me.
Top of Head:	Too busy and noisy to notice what matters to me.
Eyebrows:	Too rushed to pay attention.
Side of Eyes:	I don’t want to have to think about yet another thing to get right.
Under Eyes	It’s so much easier to abdicate to the so-called experts out there.
Under Nose:	I’m not as smart as those experts. They all know more than I do.
Chin Point:	So much noise and distraction that I would need to block out to notice what works.
Collarbones:	What if I try something and things get worse rather than better.
Under Arms:	I’m not sure I can take that risk.
Wrists:	I’m not sure I can notice what works for me.

Continue for another round.

Top of Head:	Too busy, too noisy, too tired to pay attention.
Eyebrows:	Asking my brain to pay attention for me.
Side of Eyes:	Are there some days that work better than others?
Under Eyes	This area of my life is important to me and I’m becoming even more of an expert on me
Under Nose:	Giving myself permission to experiment and try different things. Making mistakes and developing wisdom.
Chin Point:	Some days I’m just on autopilot and forget to remember to notice what’s working for me.
Collarbones:	I’ll notice again today. Noticing when I feel better. Noticing when things work better.
Under Arms:	I want to pay even more attention to this area of my life.
Wrists:	As I pay attention and notice more of what works, I’m feeling even more grateful, accepting, and compassionate towards myself.

After tapping the above sequence, you may have come up with your own ideas that will help you notice what works. It could be things like keeping a diary, making notes in your mobile phone or sending yourself emails. Let me know how paying attention has helped you in the comments.Related Posts:

Are you an expert on your problem or your solution?

rodsherwin — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 00:41:05 +0000

Many of us have at least one area of our lives that seems to defy change. We have tried every healing modality, self-help technique, positive thinking, mainstream and complementary treatment yet nothing seems to make a dent on this problem for us. In this article, I’ll show you how to ask a different a question that is solutions-focused and apply EFT to the answers.

Because of the vast experience we have in trying to solve this problem we can tell you all the possible causes including past events, limiting beliefs, psychological reversals, past lives, or how our energy is obviously not vibrating at the right level.

Yet, how many of us are experts on how our life would be without this problem?

It may seem stupid, crazy, or a form of denial to think about what life would like if the problem no longer existed yet investigating this future perfect can lead to some valuable clues and insights about what is really holding us back. Ask yourself the question:

How would I know if this issue was no longer a problem for me?

Substitute whatever your personal issue is to make the question specific e.g. “How would I know if money was no longer a problem for me?” This question helps us focus on describing the solution. How would it be if we were experts on the solutions rather than our problem?

You may come up with some quick answers off the top of your head but I want you to dig deeper and come up with some concrete real world noticeable differences, large and small, about how you life would be different if this issue was no longer a problem for you. I recommend at least 21 answers but don’t limit yourself to that.

Money for me has been an issue that seems to defy change, so here are some of the answers I came up with when I asked myself the question, “How would I know if money was no longer a problem for me?” There are some comments in italics along the way. Let me emphasise that these are only my answers. Your answers will be unique to you.

I would always have cash in my wallet
I would pay all my bills on time each month
I would have paid off all my debt (?? seems a long way off; almost impossible to achieve)
I would feel like I can relax on evenings and weekends without feeling guilty (?? I grew up in a corner store that was open 14 hours a day, 7 days a week and the only time you got to rest was when someone else was working)
I would have other hobbies apart from work like dancing, drawing, and theatre
I would trust there’s always more money coming in
I would not think about how to make more money every day from the moment I wake up (?? what would I think about instead?)
My business would be a creative channel for me – more fun; not a chore (?? too many chores in childhood)
My work would not feel desperate and driven all the time
I would feel like I had time to experiment and make mistakes
I wouldn’t take life so seriously
I wouldn’t feel like it was a life and death struggle every day (?? ouch)

There’s definitely some good tapping fodder in there around those thoughts.

If you’re an expert on your problem and find it hard to even ask the question of how your life would be different if this issue was no longer a problem, I have included a video below that uses EFT to get you started on thinking about the solution.

Let me know how this question helped you in the comments.Related Posts:

Take a Solutions-Focused Approach to Your Goals Audio Program

rodsherwin — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 00:06:36 +0000

This 1-hour audio program leads you through the process of taking a solutions-focused approach to getting what you want in life. Cut through all the self-help noise out there and focus on this truly practical approach.

This breakthrough audio product is not about the Law of Attraction made popular by the movie The Secret. It’s about identifying the strengths you possess, the resources you have, and the concrete actions to take to move you in the direction of your goals.

Using the process and ideas of this audio program, people have lost weight, made more money, improved their relationships, increased their business income and so much more.

I used to call this a goal setting process but it’s so much more than that. This approach to achieving your goals has been developed from one of the most successful therapeutic approaches called Solutions-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT). SFBT has been around for more than 30 years and has been successful with many of the most difficult and hopeless cases.

This program applies the SFBT approach in a unique way that helps you identify the real changes you want to see in your life and how things would be different once you’ve achieved these results. You already have clues to your success in your life. Use this program to identify what works for you, even some of the time, and how to do more of it.

This is definitely not the standard “work out where you want to be 12 months from now and break it down into monthly, weekly, and daily next actions”. Although this is can work for some people, this program helps you identify your own personal formula for progressing your goals. And how do you know you’ll still want the same thing in 12 months time?

We also don’t waste time identifying limiting beliefs, or past events, or things that are holding you back. These can be interesting but can also be a distraction. The solutions-focused process sets you up to win by identifying things you can do straight away to move you towards your goals.

Do not buy this product if you are just into visualisation and expecting your vibration to attract everything into your life without any effort on your part. The law of attraction can be an excuse for not taking action. Only attend buy this product if you want a clear action plan with defined steps that show results in the real world.

Now is the time to access all your resources and experience and identify the strengths you already have access to and use them to take achieve the successes you want in your life.

The convenient audio format means that you can use the process over and over again for different areas of your life and at different stages of your life. This month you can apply the SF Approach to losing weight and improving your health. Next month you can apply it to increasing your income; then to increasing your marketing; then improving your relationships. The recording is yours forever.

The recording is provided as a download in the popular MP3 format so that you can also take the program with you on any portable music player such as an iPod.

The Solutions-Focused Approach to Your Goals Program has recently been updated to include a full transcript of the recording for your reading pleasure and a worksheet to summarise the steps.

Breakthrough to new levels of succes now. Identify your true strengths and resource. Experience the success you deserve now.

Buy this program for only $19.97

Related Posts:

How would you know things were getting better?

admin — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 09:20:56 +0000

I came up with a question recently about my finances that had me stumped for two days.

Financial abundance has been an area of my life that hasn’t improved much even with many years of self development. Sure I’ve change careers and my lifestyle is wonderful but in terms of actual balance sheet… not much change. Of course, I have done lots of processes around clearing limiting beliefs, past life vows, languages, incantations, affirmations, you name it.

But here’s the thing; If you continue to ask questions like “What are my limiting beliefs around money? What is holding me back? What else do I need to clear?” you can only get more answers like that. These are all problem focused questions.

So I asked myself a solution-focused question: “How would I know, even a little bit, that my financial situation was improving? How would I notice that things were getting better, even just a little bit?”

Sure we are told to have Big Hairy Audacious Goals and aim for the moon etc and that is where we might end up. But how would you know you are actually moving in the right direction unless you tell yourself what to look for; what to notice?

Of course, these questions don’t only apply to financial goals but to any area of your life.

It took me two days before my brain finally gave over some answers to those questions. So what about you? How do you go with coming up with answers for noticing even a little bit of improvement in the direction of your goals.Related Posts:

The Solutions Focus: Making Coaching and Change Simple

rodsherwin — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 05:06:45 +0000

The Solutions Focus

This book gave me a profound shift in thinking and solving problems. My engineering degree trained me to think in terms of understanding the problem to find the solution. While this makes sense when you need to know why a bridge fell down so that next time it won’t, it is not always the best approach for every area of our lives. Instead this book explores the concept of finding out what works and doing more of it to move step-by-step towards you ideal solution rather than spending time on understanding the problem to find the solution.

The Solutions Focus: Making Coaching and Change SIMPLE by Paul Z Jackson and Mark McKergowRelated Posts: