Are you an expert on your problem or your solution?
Many of us have at least one area of our lives that seems to defy change. We have tried every healing modality, self-help technique, positive thinking, mainstream and complementary treatment yet nothing seems to make a dent on this problem for us. In this article, I’ll show you how to ask a different a question that is solutions-focused and apply EFT to the answers.
Because of the vast experience we have in trying to solve this problem we can tell you all the possible causes including past events, limiting beliefs, psychological reversals, past lives, or how our energy is obviously not vibrating at the right level.
Yet, how many of us are experts on how our life would be without this problem?
It may seem stupid, crazy, or a form of denial to think about what life would like if the problem no longer existed yet investigating this future perfect can lead to some valuable clues and insights about what is really holding us back. Ask yourself the question:
How would I know if this issue was no longer a problem for me?
Substitute whatever your personal issue is to make the question specific e.g. “How would I know if money was no longer a problem for me?” This question helps us focus on describing the solution. How would it be if we were experts on the solutions rather than our problem?
You may come up with some quick answers off the top of your head but I want you to dig deeper and come up with some concrete real world noticeable differences, large and small, about how you life would be different if this issue was no longer a problem for you. I recommend at least 21 answers but don’t limit yourself to that.
Money for me has been an issue that seems to defy change, so here are some of the answers I came up with when I asked myself the question, “How would I know if money was no longer a problem for me?” There are some comments in italics along the way. Let me emphasise that these are only my answers. Your answers will be unique to you.
- I would always have cash in my wallet
- I would pay all my bills on time each month
- I would have paid off all my debt (?? seems a long way off; almost impossible to achieve)
- I would feel like I can relax on evenings and weekends without feeling guilty (?? I grew up in a corner store that was open 14 hours a day, 7 days a week and the only time you got to rest was when someone else was working)
- I would have other hobbies apart from work like dancing, drawing, and theatre
- I would trust there’s always more money coming in
- I would not think about how to make more money every day from the moment I wake up (?? what would I think about instead?)
- My business would be a creative channel for me – more fun; not a chore (?? too many chores in childhood)
- My work would not feel desperate and driven all the time
- I would feel like I had time to experiment and make mistakes
- I wouldn’t take life so seriously
- I wouldn’t feel like it was a life and death struggle every day (?? ouch)
There’s definitely some good tapping fodder in there around those thoughts.
If you’re an expert on your problem and find it hard to even ask the question of how your life would be different if this issue was no longer a problem, I have included a video below that uses EFT to get you started on thinking about the solution.
Let me know how this question helped you in the comments.
Related Posts:
- How would you know things were getting better?
- The Solutions Focus: Making Coaching and Change Simple
- A Solutions Focused Approach to Change & EFT – EFT Q & A Podcast
- What works for you? Pay attention.
- Releasing Vows of Poverty to Make More Money
Tags: money, solutions-focus
November 20th, 2008 at 10:47 pm
Wow!! This is courage. I am lost for words … Thank you. I’ll do this excercise for myself – I can think of an issue or two for myself. Gee, but to make it public like you did? Hmm, yes I am imressed.
In the meantime, one of the things I’ve learned in life is that you don’t get time to do anything unless you make time for it. There’ll never be more time – ever. It’s not a matter of money, it’s a matter of decision. Money won’t bring you dancing or drawing or whatever other hobby. Decision will. Come dancing with me – Wednesday nights, Chapel Street, great bunch of people, great fun. Just decide and let me know.
Love, Vera
November 21st, 2008 at 2:43 am
Dear Friend,.
To me, the mix of your succinct ability to drive a point home and technical know how of making such a vid,.. are fabulous.
After your questions have been duly answered, the key here is “How do you benefit?” by not moving forward. Talking about Tapping Fodder,.. wheeu,.. Yet deep within that realization lies the paradigm shift, the miracle, the axiom of “I give meaning to things, change your mind and everything else changes”
Keep it up my friend, I am honored & proud to be able to call you one.
BBH from the now cold north.
Till
February 27th, 2009 at 10:29 pm
Thanks Rod – I REALLY related to “have tried every healing modality, self-help technique, positive thinking, mainstream and complementary treatment yet nothing seems to make a dent on this problem”.
Here are my answers around weight loss and food obsession.
Q: How would I know if food was no longer a problem for me?
A:
• I accept lunch and dinner invitations without thinking, “I really shouldn’t go, I’m on a diet (or I’ll be on a diet).”
• I go on vacation and enjoy the experience without fretting about how much weight I may have gained.
• I use food as fuel.
• I consider food my friend and not the enemy. It is pleasurable.
• I stand on the scales and am delighted by the number (right now I’m avoiding the scales and I’ve rarely been happy with the number I’ve seen)
• I no longer chase a weight loss solution because I don’t need it.
• I easily and effortlessly retain my healthy weight and NEVER boomerang back up again.
• When food is one of the last things on my mind, not the main thing on my mind.
• I realise I can lose weight easily and effortlessly no matter what I eat.
• I love my body and am proud to show it off.
• I buy clothes to suit my beautiful body instead of hide it.
• I contemplate life instead of my next meal.
• I eat because I am hungry and listen to my body for what it desires.
• I realize that there are other tools to solve my problems.
• I focus on more important things, food is rarely part of my conversation.
• Going to the grocery store is not an exercise in temptation and making myself feel guilty.
• I get excited about going to dinner to catch up with friends, not pig out.
• I wake up feeling great instead of reviewing if I’d been ‘good’ or ‘bad’ the previous day.
• I have other ways to make myself feel good / celebrate / feel better.
• I am free.
Thanks
Belinda
February 28th, 2009 at 10:22 am
@Belinda What a superb solutions focused answer to your weight loss problems. Each of those answers is something you can focus more on having in your life. EFT can help you have more of this and let the old ‘weight loss and food obsession’ fade from your consciousness.
The ideas that ‘we get more of what we focus on’ and that ‘energy follows attention’ suggests that this way of thinking can really turn things around from focusing on the problem to focusing on the solution.
One way to use your list would be to tap it in at least once a day (or twice, or thrice!) As you tap in what you want more of, any of the old thoughts that surface will be receiving the tapping treatment as you go along. Tap on each point and say one of the sentences above. You don’t need to use the stand “Even though …” phrasing just tap the sentence straight in as you wrote it and really savour and enjoy the feelings that are invoked by those good thoughts.
November 16th, 2009 at 11:42 am
How would I know if money was no longer a problem for me?
1. I would no longer think about it.
2. My daughter would have all the toys she wants and that I want.
3.I would spend tons of quality time with my daughter.
4. I would be with a mate who is my equal.
5. I would have more children.
6. I would drive new German autos of all kinds.
7. My body would look perfect to me.
8. I would be happy because I am proud of me.
9. I would be an adult alas.
10. I would have purchased all those clothings at New York & Co that I fell in love with recently.
11. I’d look fabulous fashion-wise, and so would by daughter.
12. My daughter and I would both be working models and actresses.
13. (more to come)
….Now, I am new to EFT. I Loved this question. Can anyone tell me how to process this information next with EFT? What am I looking to do to shift my relationship to money? rondamommie@yahoo.com
November 18th, 2009 at 7:22 am
@Ronda Now that you have identify all the things that would be different if money was no longer a problem, focus EFT on each of these in detail and in depth one at a time. Our relationship with money is only a symptom of other underlying blocks. Focusing on money problems is actually a wonderful distraction from the real issues underneath which you have uncovered by answering the question.
Look past the material possesion (items 2, 6, 10) you have identified on the list and work the issues such as “spending quality time with my daughter”, “I would be an adult”, and “I would have a mate who is my equal”. How specifically would these you life be different and what would you do differently each day if these things were true already? What would other notice was different about what you did with you day, about the way you acted? What would your daughter notice if these issues were no longer a problem for you?
EFT us not a magic wand so this will require work on your part. My final question would be, “if you would no longer thing about money” what would you think about instead? And make a deliberate effort, added by EFT to change the habit, to think about what it is you want and how to move towards it, versus thinking about money.